Win A Professional Critique On The Opening Of Your Novel

Over on Multi-story they are running a competition to win a professional critique of your novel opening (up to 2500 words) by Booker Prize nominated author Jim Williams. Three winners will receive an incisive critique from Jim who has had twelve novels internationally published to critical acclaim, and he describes here what he is looking for in the winning entries. Entry to the competition is open until 30th September 2013 and here are the rules.

GAAngsta's Paradise - an Irish rap

A little bit of Irish social commentary - (rap it in your head to the original Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio feat LV).

As I shuffle down High Street struggling for breath

I take a look at my wife and realise she hasn’t left - yet

Which is kinda surprising, considering what’s been going on

With pay cuts and no hair cuts and no manicures and so on

The wallet’s pretty empty but I guess I deserve it

After all I’m just a gutter living, whining public servant

Enough negative, I got a job, I should be grateful

We ain’t eating beef steak, we gotta eat pork, so

The kids need clothes and stuff, ’cos they gotta look cool

But my shoes are puppy-chewed and I dress like an old fool

A meal out these days is a trip to KFC

And the mot tries saving money at Lidl, or Aldi

We’re wasting all our lives

In Bertie and Enda’s paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

Look at the situation they got us all facing

Ain’t nothing gonna be free, gotta pay for everything

Next thing you know they’ll ban hurls in the hood

That ain’t gonna go down well at all with us culchees

We got educated fools in the ivory tower

Got a hurl in my hand, wanna whack ’em in the bollox

Except we don’t wanna complain, wouldn’t be cool

Don’t wanna be a parody or appear like a tool, no

Debt ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away

Them Argos special offers only available til Friday

Equity is negative but I don’t give a flying fuck

We’re staying in this house til we die

Tell me why were we so blind to see

The answer don’t lie in property

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

Powers and Jameson, Jameson and Powers

Paddy Power betting, open til late hours

Playing on the Lotto, playing Euromillions

Planning out your future on improbable statistics, yeah

You say your gonna win but you know no one who has

You got a better chance of winning the local beauty competition

We gotta run, we gotta play, we gotta score

Or else we’re fucked, ’cos this country’s outta luck, bud

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

Tell me why were we so blind to see

The answer don’t lie in property

And what do we bring to the party

Negative equity

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

words © by Ruby Barnes

Note: GAA Gaelic Athletic Association 

Suffer little children

How about this? My nine year-old was on a two day camp here in Ireland a few weeks ago, with a club that shall remain nameless. Instructions to parents included "please ensure that sun protection cream is provided."
He returned from a great time a bit sore. He does tan but it had been very hot and sunny, and his upper back was badly burnt. The adult supervisors told the kids they weren't allowed to apply sun protection to the children's skin as the rules prevent them touching the kids. Also the kids weren't supervised to apply cream to each other where they couldn't reach. My son had managed to smear sun cream on most of his body except the upper back.
We've always been so careful to avoid the kind of burning and peeling of previous generations. A couple of nights of bad sleep, after-sun lotion liberally applied, then the peeling. I was pretty angry at the time but the club was closed for summer and I soon moved on to being a grumpy old man about other things.
Today we were buying lunch at an outdoor event when a man with kids said hello to my son. He said he knew him from the camp club wotsit nameless thingy and asked me if my son had been one of the burn victims. His own son had been hospitalised with second degree burns and given morphine; things had been much worse for him than for my son. I began to express my opinions on the neglect exhibited, lack of supervision, risk to future health and the nonsense of no one exhibiting some common sense. He said he had been there but they weren't allowed to touch the kids and the kids wouldn't have applied the cream to each other.
What was today's event? It was a fundraiser for cancer.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #poem

Weird Sounds

by Eoin, age 9

Kilkenny, Ireland

The quietest sound in the world must be

An ant trying to crawl into the sea.

The saddest sound in the world must be

A dog whining because he wants his tea.

The funniest sound in the world must be

a person burping as loud as me.

The loudest sound in the world must be

someone screaming like a banshee.

Grabbing the Knife by its Edge - #Goodreads paperback giveaway

Marble City Publishing is doing a Goodreads Giveaway of two paperback copies of the Knife Edge Anthology. This collection of twenty-five crime / thriller / mystery / suspense stories has had a great reception in online bookstores and all profits go to the children's literacy charity Booktrust.org. There are twenty-three writers involved including Marble City authors (Jim Williams, yours truly and others) and winners from the recent genre competition at multi-story.co.uk. Click below to enter the giveaway.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Knife Edge

by Jim Williams

Giveaway ends August 12, 2013.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win