Speak No Evil - Sensory Perception for Readers and Writers

There's now a regular slot for yours truly on the 26th of each month at Authors Electric. Hop on over and find out why this author will never get the Wise Monkey badge.

How to Throw Money Down the Toilet

I have a lot of ideas about a lot of things. Some good, some bad. When it comes to marketing my books I decided to go through as many channels as possible. Amazon is a no-brainer so all my titles went up there straight away. Then there was Smashwords, acting as a distribution hub for Barnes & Noble, Apple, Kobo, Sony et al. The problem with Smashwords was the reaction time to changes in content, blurb and price. Apple and Kobo opened their doors to independent authors so I was able to put my titles directly on those channels (thanks to neighbour Noel for letting me use his Mac to get the titles up on Apple - they can then be managed via the web platform). Barnes & Noble were open to a direct approach and refreshed their offering with NookPress but it remained closed to authors outside of the US and I'm in Ireland. So I replaced Smashwords with Draft2Digital as my route into B&N giving near real-time sales figures and price control.

But this wasn't enough complexity. I wanted to get my titles into other outlets. XinXii turned out to be a nice little route into german-speaking marketplaces. Then, as part of Marble City Publishing, my titles gained entry to the digital warehouse of UK distributor Gardners, resulting in listings on Hive, Kalahari, Dito, Bokkilden, Blackwell's, Foyle's, txtr and goodness knows where else.

So now my tendrils were out it was time to get into advertising. The Baptist had a nice little outing on Ereader News Today and achieved just under 400 sales at 99c sale price. I was fairly delighted and, after the two day promo period, adjusted back to $3.99 and started to rub my hands at the anticipated follow-on. Sales continued nicely but Amazon didn't re-adjust the price. I started to check my channels. Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, Sony, Barnes & Noble, who was the culprit? I had entered the full price on all the platforms, everything seemed to be under control, but Amazon were sticking to that 99c. Then I found it. Kobo were taking days to adjust the sales price on their web store, even though the Kobo Writing Life platform looked like it had adjusted immediately. The result? After five days Kobo had adjusted and Amazon were quick to put The Baptist back to $3.99. More than $150 thrown down the toilet through price comparison to the tardy Kobo pricing. Live and learn.

Author Skin Exposed? Get Some Snake Oil On There

Today I have a guest post on Authors Electric titled as above. It's a précis of the ebook publishing industry to date and tries to discover the secret of successful ebook marketing. Go take a look and see if you can identify the mystery snake oil vendors mentioned in the post.

Win A Professional Critique On The Opening Of Your Novel

Over on Multi-story they are running a competition to win a professional critique of your novel opening (up to 2500 words) by Booker Prize nominated author Jim Williams. Three winners will receive an incisive critique from Jim who has had twelve novels internationally published to critical acclaim, and he describes here what he is looking for in the winning entries. Entry to the competition is open until 30th September 2013 and here are the rules.

GAAngsta's Paradise - an Irish rap

A little bit of Irish social commentary - (rap it in your head to the original Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio feat LV).

As I shuffle down High Street struggling for breath

I take a look at my wife and realise she hasn’t left - yet

Which is kinda surprising, considering what’s been going on

With pay cuts and no hair cuts and no manicures and so on

The wallet’s pretty empty but I guess I deserve it

After all I’m just a gutter living, whining public servant

Enough negative, I got a job, I should be grateful

We ain’t eating beef steak, we gotta eat pork, so

The kids need clothes and stuff, ’cos they gotta look cool

But my shoes are puppy-chewed and I dress like an old fool

A meal out these days is a trip to KFC

And the mot tries saving money at Lidl, or Aldi

We’re wasting all our lives

In Bertie and Enda’s paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

Look at the situation they got us all facing

Ain’t nothing gonna be free, gotta pay for everything

Next thing you know they’ll ban hurls in the hood

That ain’t gonna go down well at all with us culchees

We got educated fools in the ivory tower

Got a hurl in my hand, wanna whack ’em in the bollox

Except we don’t wanna complain, wouldn’t be cool

Don’t wanna be a parody or appear like a tool, no

Debt ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away

Them Argos special offers only available til Friday

Equity is negative but I don’t give a flying fuck

We’re staying in this house til we die

Tell me why were we so blind to see

The answer don’t lie in property

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

Powers and Jameson, Jameson and Powers

Paddy Power betting, open til late hours

Playing on the Lotto, playing Euromillions

Planning out your future on improbable statistics, yeah

You say your gonna win but you know no one who has

You got a better chance of winning the local beauty competition

We gotta run, we gotta play, we gotta score

Or else we’re fucked, ’cos this country’s outta luck, bud

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

Tell me why were we so blind to see

The answer don’t lie in property

And what do we bring to the party

Negative equity

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a self-deluded paradise

We’re wasting all our lives

In a Fianna something paradise

We’ve been spending most our lives

In a paper tiger paradise

words © by Ruby Barnes

Note: GAA Gaelic Athletic Association