An extremely moving story of bereavement,
coercive control and redemption.
You can’t get much more
vulnerable than a young girl who believes she has failed to prevent a beloved
parent’s death. White
Butterfly’s depiction
of a person who would then exploit such an innocent and damaged young woman is totally
believable and at the same time someone you hope wouldn’t appear in real life –
but they do. The media is more and more frequently reporting cases where
partners have suffered long-term psychological abuse at the hands of their
loved ones. The insidious nature of the abuser’s method is creeping and
horrific. The bruises are on the inside. As a beacon of hope, society is
becoming more aware of these dangers and help is at hand for those who can see
past the gaslighting and take that extremely difficult step out of an abusive
relationship.
Spoiler alert! I have to disclose
some aspects of the story in order to express my opinions as a reader. If you’re
happy with that then read on. Else just read White Butterfly and live
Sakura’s life.
Sakura, the main character, finds
herself in just the situation I described above. After the birth of their
daughter, things get even more difficult. Her partner, Chris, is older,
handsome, confident, a successful businessman, in control of the finances, in
control of everything. She’s young, innocent and totally vulnerable. He’s a
masterclass in gaslighting, a term which I didn’t really fully understand until
I read this book.
As reader I came up for air when
Sakura went to the women’s shelter. I was at the point of not being able to
take any more of Chris, worrying that he would move on to physical abuse. In
the shelter, Olivia’s support for Sakura is a lifebelt in a threatening sea of
despair and it really is wonderful to see Sakura come through everything,
gradually realising that not just she, but friends and family too, might and do
struggle to cope with how to handle a bereavement & abuse situation like
this. But the way the justice system subsequently treats Sakura in her legal
dealings with the father of her child is effectively a form of institutional
abuse, and today’s society should reconsider the lack of compassion embedded in
how the courts operate and the strategies that the legal eagles employ.
The real awakening for Sakura herself is when
she realises that, at some time in the future, she will come to appreciate /
regret / be able to make use of / have to come to terms with something that is
happening in the now. Partly that’s her growing as a person, without the
coercion that has hindered her development. Mainly it’s the knowledge and
wisdom imparted by those who help her, once she manages to escape Chris’s
grasp.
It was an eye-opener
for me to realise that friends and family of abuse victims might have trouble
understanding and reconciling themselves to the abuse having occurred “on their
watch.” They might then not be able to behave towards the victim in the best and
required way for healing the situation. In hindsight, I’ve seen this in the
friends and family of separated couples in the real world. They often unwittingly
attach blame to the victim. Sakura finds herself not understood by those she
thought were the good guys, and she can’t help but judge them for that, even
though she understands why they’re behaving so. That’s her own fallible human
nature. At the end of the day, this situation can have more than one victim. It
takes some time for everyone to mature into the new world of freedom and to
cast off the malign influence of the manipulative abuser.
I need to
give special mention to Sakura’s love of horses, which is the anchor throughout
her troubles. Tye, the stables owner, is a rock. The complete antithesis of
Chris. Several times I thought Tye and Sakura might get together. In the future
maybe, who knows?
One final
takeaway for me from this book. In the cold light of day, when one partner in a
relationship is stronger than the other – through age, experience, confidence
or character – the stronger person really needs to be aware of the situation
and ensure that they don’t behave in a coercive manner. Generations gone by
have lived lifetimes being bent to the will of someone they believe loved them.
Now it’s time for that to stop.
