Sunday, 10 April 2011

Ireland's newest anthology

I want to share with you what happened to the 22 authors of this book over the past four years. Where we’ve been and what we’ve been doing when we said we were ‘going to writing college for the weekend’. Strange events have occurred.

When we arrived here in Hogwarts as first years - young witches, wizards and muggles – we were all nervous. Did we have the magic in our quills? Professors John Dumbledore McKenna and Suzanne McGonnigle Power made everyone welcome. They soon had us flying around on our broomsticks, playing Quidditch and chasing the golden snatch around the grounds. The rigours of John’s morning register and the spiritual escape of Susanne’s talking in tongues were strange, but we believed them when they said the Philosopher’s Stone was within our hearts. He that must not be named tried to sow doubt and fear in our fledgling egos, with terrible deeds such as putting do not park here stickers on our cars, but his powers were weak. The professors had us under their protection.
Year two - some found themselves prisoners in Azkabhan, torn and tortured by Dementors. There they lost their minds and their writer’s muse. We hope they’ll escape one day to join us. Meanwhile, a fresh intake arrived here at Hogwarts and were trained in the Dark Arts. They endured new hardships, such as lack of custard cream biscuits at tea break, outbursts of writers’ zeal from John and Suzanne forgetting the matches for her candles. They began to tune in to the subliminal hypnosis of John’s reading voice and experiment using Suzanne’s powers. There were whispers of self-doubt in ears at night from he that must not be named but together the students found the Horcrux, destroyed the second beast and dreamed of walking amongst literary giants.
The third year and existing students received an invitation by owl to attend the Two Roads course. Some of them were also too weak to escape Azkabhan and they languish in agony there. The lucky ones gathered here to look down their noses at the new first years and fight over the chocolate digestives. John, weakened by frequent growing and shaving off his beard, found increased strength with the launch of a new book of magic The Space Between Us (available on and at all good book stores). Suzanne put herself through pre-nuptial purification rituals and took us on a journey of self-discovery where we discovered...ourselves.
Year four and the final struggle with the Death Eaters of doubt commenced. Hermione Powers married her Ron and brought the powers of Angel Journey (available on and at all good book stores) into battle on our side. Dumbledore McKenna allowed us increased playtime to perfect our spells. Our writers’ muscles became bunched with self-belief and huge with the strength of inspiration. We stood shoulder to shoulder against the dark forces and destroyed the remaining Horcruxes of self-doubt one by one. Then we poured a piece of our own souls into Original Sins (available on, at all good book stores and also right here tonight).
The world is full of writers who will never experience the joy that publication of their work brings. Tonight, here in Hogwarts, 22 authors have made that first, vital step.
As Bill Clinthon and Barrack Omama recently said at a cocktail party, Original Sins is the best anthology the world has ever produced.
Never let fact get in the way of fiction.

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