Hotel Creative Writing for Publication

A tribute to the NUI (National University of Ireland) writing course and its tutors Suzanne Power and John MacKenna.

 

Hotel Creative Writing for Publication 

Words by Ruby Barnes 

to the tune of Hotel California by The Eagles

On a Kilkenny footpath, cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of ambition and a thousand euro to spare

 Up ahead in the distance I saw the light of success

Suzanne Power in her floral prints and John McKenna’s string vest.

There they stood in the doorway, Joan of Arc and William Tell

And I was thinking to myself this could be Heaven or this could be Hell

 Then she lit up a candle and she showed us the way

There were voices down the corridor I thought I heard them say

(Chorus)

Welcome to Creative Writing for Publication

Such a lovely place, but not a luvvies’ place

Freedom to dream of imminent publication

Any time of year light the candle here 

And face your fear.

If your character’s twisted - he killed a guy with a bar

Or your bloke is checking out the good-looking girl with no bra

 Just channel those weirdos, talk out loud for a week

Ignore the strange glances of those who think you’re a freak.

Now let’s tweak the narrator - first person post modernist

Third person omniscient, second person horribly pissed

 And map out the timeline - flashback, backfill and so on

And if it gets confusing, kill someone or take off your thong.

(Chorus)

Welcome to Creative Writing for Publication

Such a lovely place, but not a luvvies’ place

Freedom to dream of imminent publication

Any time of year light the candle here 

And face your fear.

So we face the non-fiction but are lacking in stimuli

All thoughts of a memoir guaranteed to bring a tear to each eye

 Master McKenna’s chamber applies his music therapy

We listen to each other’s shite then smile and nod happily

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door

I had to find the passage back to the place I was before

 ‘No way’ said Ms Power, 'You are programmed to critique.

Life will never be the same, you all have Writer’s Disease.'

(Chorus)

Farewell Creative Writing for Publication

Such a lovely place, but not a luvvies’ place

We’re heading for imminent publication

Any time of year light the candle here 

And face your fear.

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